Preparations

I got word on Friday that the Fulbright has been notified that my authorization has been granted, but there is still no paperwork. This means that I have been given permission to discuss flight arrangements with the program, but they will not book them until they have the paperwork. But just looking at the flight itinerary makes me feel better. I am actually going.

As the take-off date approaches, I am feeling my normal anxiousness. But I'm quite accustomed to the, "What the heck have I gotten myself into?!" voices. My real problem with these feelings is that the only way I've found to alleviate them is to buy more things. I am a sucker for anything at this point. A new headlamp, sure! A set of luggage for $63, you bet! A pair of scissors that fold up, perfect! A sale on Pepto-Bismol, faaabulous. Slowly, the spare bed is getting filled with all of these handy-dandy drugs and apparatus.

Books are another guilt-free purchase for me. So far, I've accumulated two travel guides (Lonely Planet and The Rough Guide), India: The Cultural Companion, the Lonely Planet Healthy Travel Guide for Asia and India (don't worry, mom!), and a novel that I intend to read on the journey, A Fine Balance. I'm also currently re-reading The Bhagavad-Gita. (Re-reading, is perhaps a poor choice of words here. Did I really read this before? It's in my collection, and I studied eastern religions, but I honestly don't remember reading it. . . Maybe I went to White Castle or something that day.)

I just finished a great book, which I would recommend called Snakes and Ladders by Gita Mehta. She describes the cultural and historical situation in India in a series of short essays. It is the perfect history book for me because it comes in short, interestingly written bursts. I'm hoping to look up her other books while in India--Karma Cola, Raj, and A River Sutra. She also referenced a book called All About H. Hatterr, by G. V. Desani, which I really should read while abroad. I also couldn't help but borrow India Unveiled from the library which has gorgeous photos from across India.

After examining this pile, perhaps it's a good thing that I bought a new luggage set. It's probably also good that my car died recently--quite possibly a sign.

The Joys of Indian Bureaucracy

Having the luxurious summer life of a teacher has given me plenty of time to prepare for and agonize about the trip. In the back of my head the whole time is the knowledge that everything I do won't matter if I do not receive the authorization for my visa from the Indian government. That's right, two weeks before I'm scheduled to leave for the Washington DC orientation, I still don't know if I'm actually going. At most points in the day I'm able to keep this horrific possibility at bay, but at times it takes hold of me and I know what Anne of Green Gables meant when she experienced "the depths of despair."

But let's not get too dramatic here. This is Erin we're talking about, and as existentialist as I like to say I am, I've not inherited the sense of despair often attributed to them. Instead I just remember that a Zen Buddhist once told me that emotions are like clouds--they feel all-encompassing, but are really just passing experiences to be enjoyed in the moment and then released. But as much as I like this idea of temporality and unnattachment, I can't help but think that Anne would have bashed a slate over his head if he'd said that to her during one of her fits of passion.

So, in conclusion, a small request to the Indian government: Please, I promise I am not a terrorist. I do not want your land. I do not want to instigate brothels in your cities. Please, please, please let me in.